Thursday 20 December 2012

11. Doubting You - Flashback

It was late evening before drake returned, he'd missed dinner and was home just in time to say goodnight to Sandi who was more than unimpressed with his disappearance. Down in the basement Nicki was laying on his bed, trying not to listen to their arguing but it was pretty hard not too. As soon as their yelling stopped she could hear the faint sound of Drake jogging down the basement stairs before letting himself in and shutting the door behind him.

"Oh, hey. I didn't know you were still awake." He walked over to her after kicking his shoes off. "How're you feelin'?" The bed sank a little as he rested on the edge whilst she just stared at him.

"Where were you?" By the way he sighed and rolled his eyes briefly she could tell he didn't want her too start asking questions.

"Nicki, please. I told you I had some work to take care of, that's all." He stroked the hair from her forehead gently as her eyes followed his movement.

"Promise?" There was a long silence before he leaned down and kissed her.

"Promise. Now go to sleep, I'mma go take a quick shower." He smiled and kissed her forehead before walking towards his bathroom, stripping off along the way and turning in the doorway to give her a wink as he threw his boxers at her. That was what she hated about him, no matter how much she was trying to be mad at him he would always do something like that which would send her into a fit of giggles. Which is exactly what she was doing now.

"Oh my God. Go away!"She laughed obnoxiously and swiped his underwear away from her face whilst watching him disappear into the bathroom smirking.

That was the last thing she remembered before waking up the next morning, still wrapped in his arms. Just where she wanted to be. She didn't want to move, the idea of staying this way forever was more than tempting but her growling stomach had other plans. Only managing to ignore her body's wants for a couple of minutes she lay still for a while before cautiously sliding out of his arms. He didn't stir luckily. She could tell he was tired and there was one thing she was even more certain of, he was lying about where he was yesterday, she just knew it. With it being only 6am she made sure to be quiet when she headed upstairs after performing her morning rituals. She smiled when she reached the kitchen remembering being congratulated by Drake's father about being pregnant. She and Sandi laughed more at the fact that he didn't really know how to react and shaking her hand seemed to fit the news well. He was so awkward in a sweet kind of way. He and her own Father shared similar addictive traits but he'd been scared to the point where he sought help and wanted to turn his life around, which he had done oh so well. He'd been sober for almost a year now and like any recovering addict he'd focused his attention on other things the main one being puzzles. He was the only one other than herself who was awake at this time, sitting at the table with one of his jigsaws.

"Another one?" She asked cheerfully as she made her way over to him.

"Yeah, they keep me busy." He chuckled. "You wanna help?"

"Sure." She smiled whilst pouring her cereal and taking a seat opposite him. He'd already done quite a lot of the puzzle, she figured he must have been up for a while.

"Drake still snorin'?"

"Mhm, completely dead to the world." Her small giggle made him smile as he held a puzzle piece in his hand and scanned the table for its spot. "How long you been awake? You're almost done." Her talking was muffled by her polite crunching.

"I couldn't sleep, I been sat here since three."

"Wow, you're not sleepy?"

"Not a bit." He looked up at her curious face and smiled before following her hand to where she was pointing in front of him.

"There." She motioned to a gap in the puzzle to where his piece went and continued eating her breakfast.

"Thanks, that one's been nigglin' at my mind all damn mornin'." He fitted the piece in and let the silence fill the room again before catching a glimpse of her face, she looked troubled to say the least. "Somthin' wrong?"

"Hm?" Her brow crinkled when he interrupted her thoughts. "Oh, no I was just thinking." She smiled unconvincingly before finding the courage to speak up again. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." She smirked at his little joke. "I'm just playin', go ahead I'm all ears."

"It's personal, so don't feel like you have to answer."

"Okay, I'm listenin'." He dropped whatever was in his hands and leant forward as he rested on the table ledge, she looked a little nervous as she began talking.

"Why did you leave them all those years ago?" She'd finished her cereal and was now playing nervously with nails, her panic levels began to rise when he wasn't replying. "I don't mean it in a-"

"No, no it's fine." He folded his lips in an attempt to smile about something so solemn. "Honestly Nicki, I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?" She moved forward some more, intrigued to find out his answer.

"Well, of failing I guess. Failing as a father and as a husband, so I did what I knew best. I ran."

"But you regret it."

"I always said if I could go back in time and fix what I did, I would. But what's done is done." He felt a little uncomfortable and continued doing his puzzle as he talked. "I don't think some women understand what exactly is goin' through a man's head when he finds out he's gonna be a Father."

"What d'you mean?" Her little face wrinkled up as she spoke, waiting for an answer.

"A lotta people say a woman becomes a Mother when she gets pregnant but a man only becomes a Father when he holds his child for the first time." Taking a sip of his coffee he proceeded with his little story which Nicki was becoming more engrossed in. He knew she was trying work out how Drake was feeling. "I was terrified about not bein' able to provide for them and not havin' that same connection a Mother has, y'know?"

"Yeah, I guess." She trailed off and looked down as there was along pause.

"Aubrey's never gonna leave you, you know that right?" He tried to peer at her face but her head was low.

"I don't know that for sure though, I mean Sandi didn't have a clue you was gon' leave, did she?"

"That's true but Drake knows the pain of being abandoned. I didn't, but I had I been able to see into the future and witness the heartache I caused I would never have left them." He could see her eyes were filling up but he was always awkward in these kind of situations. "He'll be there for you, he won't do to you what I did to him. It's not in his heart."

"I feel bad for doubtin' him but I don't even know what to expect, it's scary." She sniffled and looked back up at him once she knew she had her tears under control.

"Just know that you have all of us here, you're not alone." He reached across the table and held her hand sweetly, something her own Father hadn't done in years.

"Thank you." There was a moment of quiet before they heard movement.

"Hey, why y'all up so early?" They both jumped hearing his voice as he approached them, Nicki wondered how long he'd been listening for.

"Not long." She stood up to greet him as he kissed her forehead. When he felt her just staring up at him he caught on and said good morning to his Father too before getting himself some poptarts.

"You're not busy today are you?"

"Yeah, we have an appointment at eleven. Your Mom sorted it yesterday."

"Aight, well after that I'm takin' you out shoppin'." He pushed the toaster down and turned to look at her.

"Oh? Where to?" She asked as she moved over to the dishwasher.

"Just somewhere, that's all you need to know."

"Okay then, well I'mma go take a shower." She smiled up at him after squinting at his suspicious behaviour and headed back towards the bedroom, making sure to give Dennis an appreciative smile before she disappeared. Drake noticed they were talking about something deep but didn't know what.

"So, what were y'all talkin' about?" He tried to ask casually as he sat at the table with his plate.

"Oh, just puzzles. She's was helpin' me out." He half lied and carried on with his jigsaw with Drake looking on in thought.

***

"Nicki, come on we're gonna be late. You've changed three times now." He let his arm drop to his side, jingling his keys.

"It's fine. We'd only be sat waitin' in the damn waitin' area anyway." She huffed and grabbed her purse. "Why've you got your keys babe? Your Mom's drivin' us."

"What? Why?" He followed behind her with a confused expression.

"Because they're comin' with us." She said it as if it was already fact.

"Since when?"

"Since I asked them too, now come Aubrey on we're gonna be late." She mimicked him and walked out to the car leaving him to lock up the house slightly angry that his parents were intruding.

The drive was short and before they knew it they were sat in the waiting room with a load of other people. Sandi and Dennis were involved in their own little conversation as Drake stared them down. He didn't know it but Nicki was doing the same to him.

"Bein' angry at him forever isn't gonna solve anythin' y'know?" She touched his arm gently, making him look at her.

"You don't know what it feels like though. I'm so angry and I wanna forgive him but I can't."

"He's really tryin' though, and look how far he's come. He's been sober for like, a year and is back in your life. Y'know how lucky you are? I would give anythin' for my Dad to turn his life around like that." He didn't respond, knowing she was right. "So promise me you'll try?"

"For you? I promise." He kissed her sweetly but his face remained troubled.

"Onika Maraj?" They all turned their heads when they heard her name and left their seats to follow the woman through to the room. After helping her up on to the bed Drake took a seat at her side while Sandi and Dennis sat across the room. "Dr. Taylor should be though to see you in a minute or two." The young woman smiled again and left.

"You still think she's a girl?" She asked quietly as she grabbed his hand.

"I know she is."

"Do you want her to be a girl?"

"I'm happy with whatever she turns out to be." He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled again. There was something about his smile that made her feel so relaxed. She loved that about him.

"Morning all." Dr. Taylor entered just as cheerfully as always, Nicki loved him because he was from the UK. His accent was everything to her so she couldn't help but smile as they all greeted him back. "Let me just grab some ultrasound gel and we'll get started." He smiled, emphasising his bristly stubble on his face as he grabbed the blue dispenser. "We've finally got a get warmer for this room now, so the gel won't be cold." He pulled the wheelie chair to himself before noticing Sandi and Dennis properly. "So, you must be the parents?"

"Yes, I'm Sandi and this is Dennis. We're Drake's parents." She smiled as though she was smitten and shook his hand with Dennis doing the same.

"Well it's lovely to meet you both and with greetings aside let's get this scan underway." He rubbed his hands together and wheeled over to the side of Nicki and pulled her top up a little. "You might need to tug your trousers down a bit too." She giggled at the way he said "tug" and "trousers" before doing as he asked. He was right, the gel was warm. It felt kind of nice as he spread it over her small bump. All five of them had their eyes fixed on the monitor, waiting for the image to appear.

"We can find out the sex today, right?" Her hopeful voice made Dr. Taylor turn to look at her.

"You want to find out today?" He locked eyes with them both as they nodded. "Well, I already know." He smiled again as he moved the head over her abdomen, his gaze was fixed on the screen again. "Looks to me like a very healthy baby girl."

"A girl? Really?" Nicki's hand went straight to her mouth as she looked to her other side at Drake. "You were right."

"Told you I knew she was a girl." His smile was from ear to ear across his face before he looked at his Mom. She was in tears. "You good Mom?" He chuckled as Nicki and Dennis laughed at her waving her hand at him, telling him to shut-up.

"Well, everything looks extremely fine to me. Good heartbeat, good size, no problems." He pulled the paper towel from her leggings waistband and used it to wipe off the gel. "I'll just fix you up with some more pre-natal vitamins and you're free to go."

"Thank you." She showed her dimples and pulled the hoodie back over herself before sliding off of the bed.

Drake couldn't believe it. They were having a baby girl. They all seemed to be super elated after the appointment and driving home on a high. Sandi and Dennis had plans for the afternoon so Drake intended to keep his arrangements for taking Nicki shopping. Since she was almost five months pregnant now he wanted to start buying baby stuff to be ready for when she was born. It took him a while to convince her seeing as she was tired but buying things for her baby sounded fun in the end. She was enjoying walking around the store, holding his hand as they looked at cribs.

"What about this one?" She ran her free hand along the edge of the furniture piece as Drake grabbed the tag. Everything was so much more expensive than he'd originally thought.

"Uhm, yeah this one's good."

"You okay babe?" He nodded and smiled before walking past her to a crib on the opposite side, seeing the price tag swinging she pulled it up to see how much it was going to cost. A bomb, that's what. She sighed and walked back over to him.

"You picked one?"

"First of all we are picking one and second of all I'm hungry. We can do this another day Drake, and besides I'm pretty sure we could get a cheaper one from somewhere else. Actually I could even take Caiah's old crib." She shrugged, wide-eyed as she stared at his face.

"Nic, that's just it though. I'on want second-best for you guys, for us. I want the best of the best."

"I know you do and so do I but we gotta be realistic, all this is stuff we can't afford." She took his hand in hers as he sighed angrily. This is exactly what Dennis had been talking about. "Let's just go home, we could look online?" She let him lead the way back to the store exit and thanked the sales assistant before heading home. Neither of them spoke a word the whole journey.

***

Over the next three months things only seemed to get worse. Her parents had completely shunned her and refused to have anything to do with her or the baby which was a major setback. She'd hoped that the situation would have had the reverse effect and brought her Mother to her but she was wrong. Along with that problem Drake had been acting more than a little odd as of late. He was distant, quiet and even more irritable than usual. Tonight was no exception, he'd been at work all day and was just about to shower when he got a phone call. She didn't know if he was upset that he'd been called out by his friends or the fact that she'd answered his phone.

"I'm gonna be an hour at the most." He kissed her forehead and then her lips. "Don't answer the door and call SB now, tell'm to come over."

"Drake, I'm fine by myself I'm not-"

"Nicki, just do it please. For me?" He was resting in the doorways as she watched from the couch. She and SB had built bridges when he came over to see her, grovelling for her forgiveness. Truthfully she missed him a hell of a lot and he missed her too.

"Fine but bring me back a box of-"

"Chicken wings, I got it." He winked and waited for her to start calling SB before leaving. She stayed on the phone with him for a mere few seconds before hanging up, he'd be over any minute.

Having pulled up to where he was supposed to be meeting Deshaun he tapped his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel before a bang at his window made him jump. It was Deshaun's little buddies, laughing their heads off before making their way inside. He gave it another minute or so before following them in. He hated it in there, the smell, the atmosphere, the people. Everything.

"Aye Drizzy, you made it!" Deshaun lit up another smoke and walked slowly over to him before dropping on to the ragged couch.

"I'on want any shit, not tonight. Just tell me what I gotta do so I can do it." He growled frustratedly and waited for the instructions.

"Actually, I thought tonight could be your lil' reward night y'know? Call a couple girls over, have some fun." The others laughed as Drake's patience ran out.

"Just tell me where I gotta go." Deshaun paid his attitude no mind as he continued on about the night he had planned.

"Actually, you could call over your girl, y'know? The one I spoke to on the phone." He smirked at Drake's flared nostrils. The rage within him was rising.

"Leave her the fuck outta this, y'hear me?!"

"Chill Drizzy! I'll get her when I want her." He laughed and stood up again but Drake's heart dropped. "Oh so now you catchin' on?" He scanned Drake's torn face and grinned. "I know what I want if I don't get my money, Drizzy. So for her sake you best cough up and quick." He gritted his teeth and took a step closer to Drake's tensed up frame as he spoke.

"You so much as look at her I-"

"You'll what? Kill me?" They all sneered again, watching him live out his own nightmare.

***

"Here." Safaree sat at her side slowly after handing her a tissue.

"Thanks." Wiping her tears with it she sat back and looked at her best friend. "You said when everythin' crumbled around me you wasn't gonna be here. But here you are as always, sittin' by me with tissues."

"Nic, nothin's crumblin' around you. You're pregnant, hormonal and emotional. Everythin's gettin' the best of you right now." He lay back too and pulled her too him.

"Yeah, includin' Drake."

"Well, you need to fix that. I know I don't care for him too much but even I can see he's tryin'." He squeezed her gently to try and get a response as her hands were resting protectively over her bump. She was eight months now and was counting down the days.

"Yeah I know, you're right." She sniffled and started massaging her abdomen.

"I'm always right. Now, let's do what I had planned." He pulled away and grabbed the dvd from the coffee table and went to put it in before getting her snack bowl. Neither had a clue what was about to happen.

*Thanks for all the comments on the previous chapter ^_^ I shld be posting on Sweet Dreams tomorrow along with Here I am for Onikafaree readers :)) Hope this was okay for everyone!*

8 comments:

  1. Smfh head drake now i see how everything is peiceing together but at least he was doing it for the right reason

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  2. Thank you Carlee for not giving up on this story! And Drake you dummy you keep digging yourself further into trouble. Lord I hope everything works it's self out.

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  3. Omg Carlee, whats about to happen? I cant believe you just left it there! I cant wait for the next chap to be posted!

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  4. OMG. Ugh...Why did Drake get himself caught up in this mess? And now it's not even just him. Now Deshaun will be going after Nic if he doesn't get his money. She's pregnant like OMG. Drake, WHY? :(

    How can her own parents shun her while another opened their arms so welcomingly? SMH. My poor baby. I'm so glad her & Safaree made up cuz she needs that person who will always be there for her. Drake's family is great, but they are DRAKE'S FAMILY. At least Safaree is 'her own'.

    Ugh..I just know this can't end well and I'm so hurt by it.. :(

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  5. Really good chapter, I hope nothing too bad happens, and Drake stops the kinda work he's doing, its not good for him, his daughter, and Nic. Can't wait til Nicki has the baby tho. Update soon...real soon.

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  6. Loovedd The Chapter.. But im Kinduh Dissapointed in Drake. Shure hes making money, but not in the Best Way. Deshaun Better anot Put his Nasty Scummy ass Hands On Nika. -.- Niiiicc.. Whyd Yhu have to answer the phone. Now He knows your alive. And that could Mean Trooublee. And While shes Preggers? Really Drake? Yhu gottah use yhur head. -___-

    Nic and Drakes Padre's Talk was amazing. Them opening up to eachother. I feeel Like Nicki Somewhat knows what drake went thru not having a father thru his childhood. Shee Was Right! A baby Girll! ^__^ Poor Nic. How could they Just Completley cut her out of their lifes while shes pregnant?... Atleast Safaree's there for here..

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  7. This story gets better and better! Update soon!

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