1. Lost Hope

Walking down the rain spotted sidewalk Nicki shouted out for the elderly man to hold the door for her. As usual she was ignored. Huffing frustratedly she did a circle with her daughter’s stroller and entered through the bank doors backwards. Suited men and women stared at her as she proceeded to move further into the building, she honestly didn’t blame them as she caught sight of her reflection in the pristine windows. Although it was miserable, rainy and dark outside everyone else still managed to stay dry and well kept but the wind had destroyed her earlier tied up hair into a dripping mess. She was grateful for the fact that her two year old daughter Aubree was sleeping in her stroller though, otherwise she’d fear her grumpy antics would bring more attention to them. As she approached the teller desk she started to fumble around with her bag, placing her card and ID on the counter. Hoping that some money would be there for her to have.

“Just a balance inquiry today ma’am?” The young man took her card as he clicked mindlessly away at his computer.

“Uhm, yes thank you.” Studying his facial expression she saw his eyes scanning the screen before typing extremely fast.

“I’m sorry, there doesn’t seem to be any credit in that account. Were you expecting to see some?” He looked at her, but her mind was blank. “Ma’am?”

“Sorry?”

“I asked if you were expecting to see this account with a balance larger than zero?”

“No, never mind…Thank you for your time anyway.” She tried to keep the disappointment from showing on her face but by the sympathetic look he was giving her she knew he’d seen. Without another word he slid her belongings back to her through the hole in the window.

How could this be happening? Things were so perfect not long ago, in fact they were the best they’d ever been. But now, she couldn’t even pay her own bills. Looking down at Aubree she leant over and pulled her little pink coat tighter around her small body, she shivered herself with only the inadequate shelter of the bus stop keeping them dry. The bus was running late and she had no idea how she was supposed to make them something to eat for dinner. Maybe it was time to swallow her pride? For her daughter’s sake.

                                                                             ***

Riding the bus home gave Nicki time to think as she sat watching Aubree sleep. She couldn’t wait until her car was fixed so they could stop using public transport, it was such a hassle especially with the stroller. Money had always been scarce since she had Aubree, she was only sixteen when she got pregnant and now at eighteen years old she was living in a crummy apartment alone with her two year old child. Kicked out by her father she had no other choice, it’s not like her mother was going to stand up to him. She snapped out of her daze when she saw Aubree stirring, thankfully they were almost at their stop. 

It was dark and cold as she pulled her key out of the door, pushing it open with her butt as she pulled the stroller through backwards. Her shift at Red Lobster started in less than an hour and she still had to find something for them to eat, bathe Aubree and take her to the apartment next door. Connie was a middle-aged woman and always took care of Aubree whenever Nicki was working. She didn’t charge her for babysitting either, Nicki figured it was probably some company for her. Shutting the door behind her she bent down to un-strap Aubree before securing the toddler on her hip.

“You hungry baby?” There wasn't much of a response as she just yawned and lay her head back on Nicki's shoulder. She looked so much like her father sometimes, it was scary. Pushing the stroller to the side of the door she skilfully grabbed her purse and Aubree's day bag from the handles and set them on the counter. "Well ladybug let's go get you all ready to go see Connie huh?" She bounced her a little as they made their way to the bathroom. She hated leaving her every night but this was her only source of income and besides which if Aubree was next door Nicki knew she'd be warm, safe and hunger free. Unlike herself at the moment, this was the second day she'd gone without a scrap of food. Hopefully she'd be able to sneak a few fries at work when nobody was looking or something.

After bathing and dressing Aubree in her all-in-one pyjamas they stood waiting at Connie's door. She was taking forever as Nicki tapped her foot impatiently and brushed off her uniform a couple of times. Finally the door opened.

"Hello Onika, and Aubree." She moved forward as Nicki returned the greeting and handed a reluctant Aubree over.

"Thanks for doin' this, she's already bathed and been fed so she shouldn't be too much trouble. Right baby?" She kissed her little cheek before stepping back out of the doorway.

"Oh don't mention it! She gets herself a lil' worked up when you're leavin' but as soon as you're outta sight she's fine." Nicki smiled gratefully before kissing Aubree one more time and leaving. She was almost fifteen minutes late, again.

Slipping through the doors quickly she tried to remain discreet but a stone faced Lauren stormed past her.

"Nic you betta hurry ya ass up! She already been lookin' for you! I told you I can't cover for you like this every shift!" She toned down her voice seeing how dishevelled her friend looked before talking again, this time more softly. "Look I know you're goin' through some shit I know nothin' 'bout right now but please...Just promise me you'll look after yourself?" Feeling Lauren's warm hand on her shoulder she nodded solemnly and made her way through to the kitchen. Candi was waiting on the other side and embraced her in a huge hugafter hearing everything. "You'll get through this babe and if not for yourself you'll do it for Bree. I know you will." Nicki smiled thinking about her. She really was the best thing in her life and always would be. 

Luck must have been on her side that night as Kelise never noticed her tardy entrance nor did she come patrolling the kitchen barking orders at her. Saying bye to Candi and Lauren she let out a long sigh as she pushed the swinging doors open and felt the cold air hit her. She hated walking home in the dark, another reason she couldn't wait until her car was repaired. It wasn't a long walk thankfully and she performed her usual mindless walking as she scanned the darkened windows of each shop, stopping at the only one on the street that still had it's lights on. He was still in there, packing boxes and tidying up. Wrapping her arms around herself some more she walked closer to the window seeing her breath ice up in front of her as it hit the cool air. He never usually noticed her drive past in her car but this time he caught the movement and brought his head up. Suddenly panicking she shook herself out of the awkward eye contact and continued walking home at a faster pace but she heard the store's door open followed by faster footsteps.

"Nicki?" His voice sounded so soft against the background noise of faraway traffic and distant sirens. "Onika, why do you do that?" That question stopped her as she turned around to face his direction, still not uttering a word back to him he walked closer to her. "Why do you always look in at me on your way home? I see you every night doin' the same thing. Why?" He threw the white towel in his hands over his shoulder as she still refused to speak.

"Please, I can't do this right now Safaree." Her quiet words washed over him as she folded her arms tighter and shook her head walking away, leaving him stood there. It had been two years since he'd heard that voice, two years since he'd even been that close to her.